The Leader
by X5898
Summary: Max mourns Zack after AJBAC. Her thoughts after she finds out he is dead. Not MZ, just a sister feeling the loss of her big brother. Stand Alone.


**Disclaimer:** Don't own DA or his characters.

Summary: Max mourns Zack after AJBAC. It's not easy loosing your big brother. My version of what should have been addressed in the show. Max lost her brother, how does she feel about it? 

**A/N:** I always wanted to write a fic about this topic and I guess I finally did.

I want to thank my beta Secretly Beautiful for her job with this story. Thank you so much for reassuring me and making it better, like you always do.

Enjoy.

**THE LEADER**

_"Listen to that. That's strong, isn't it?" _

Funny, how sometimes your enemies know more about you than the people you care about. How they can value you more and understand you more than the people you risk your life day after day to protect. Yeah, funny. Or maybe not.

_"That is the heart of a soldier_._ A leader. A martyr." _

I couldn't have said it better. Renfro saw Zack for who he truly was. She met him for the whole of five seconds and yet that was more than enough for her to understand the amazing person that my big brother was. Five seconds… and she had seen enough to understand that people like him don't come around often. That he was one of a kind. Sure, he was a genetically engineered super soldier. But he was far more than that. He was a CO; he was our CO. He was the leader. But not because he was the best at fighting (which he was), or the best at planning and coming up with a flawless strategy (which he was, too). Not because Manticore had decided he had to be CO, not even because he was the oldest. He was born and bred to be a leader, but it was something more. He was a leader in his soul.

_"He was quite a man, your brother Zack……"_

She just wanted to break me, and yet she wasn't lying. Renfro, the bitch who had me captured, who killed my sister, who watched my brother die without doing anything to stop him. That bitch, that bitch showed more respect to my brother with those few words than I ever did.

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I'm not the same person I used to be. Somewhere along the way, I lost focus of who I was. I tried so hard to run away from everything, from the memories that haunted me, that now I've run too far. I can't come back. The memories still haunt me and yet, now memories are all I have. I can't be human, I can't be normal. It's just not the way it was supposed to be. And now I can't be Max either.

X5 452 was born in hell. Designed to be a weapon, a tool without a soul. Living but not alive. A number with no purpose beyond serving those who made her. Max was born in heaven. Surrounded by people who loved her, who shared her pain and made it more bearable. Max had a family who filled her soul with good memories to scare the bad away. But both were one in the same and there was no way one could exist without the other. When Max tried to escape X5 452 and leave her behind, she left Max behind as well.

I remember telling Zack that he was still back at Manticore. I remember feeling somewhat proud of myself when I told him I was trying to leave all that behind. How misguided I was. He wasn't back at Manticore. He was the one who decided to leave that place, for crying out loud. To protect us. To protect me. He wasn't back at Manticore, I was wrong. That wasn't Manticore speaking, that was Zack. The same Zack. Zack hadn't let his soul go flying away…… he wasn't lost, I was.

I remember Zack back when we were kids. I remember looking up to him and respecting him. Caring about him. And I remember him caring about us as well. He fought a guard, knowing the painful consequences of his actions, to let me hold to that red balloon a little longer. He stayed behind during the escape to assure Jondy and I weren't shot while running. He was sacrificing for us back then as he did for the rest of his life. We used to look at our CO and feel safe. We knew we could trust him. We would have followed him to the end of the world and beyond. In fact, we did. We followed him to the outside, beyond the world we used to know. We followed him without question, without doubt. And he never let us down.

Then why did I doubt him after? Why didn't I follow his lead when we met again after all this years? Why did I fight him so hard? Why did I push him away? He was the same man I used to love when we were kids. The same man we all loved. The same man we put our faith in. The leader of the pack and the guardian of our family….. The answer is simple. He was the same person, I was not.

So here I lay in my bed in the infirmary, back in the place I started. But this time my pain is different. This time my big brother isn't here to keep me safe. This time I'm mourning him. Mourning the one who looked at me and saw the Max I used to be, even if I couldn't see her myself. The one who protected me from my first breath to his last………

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It's hard. Being alive and knowing why. All my life I spent it searching for something. Looking for the reason of my existence. I knew the reason Manticore had to create me, but it wasn't enough for me. I refused to be just a soldier, alive only to serve them. To serve the very same people who tortured us and killed us. I couldn't have that. So I searched for a better reason, for a better cause.

I still don't know why I was born; I don't think people are meant to find out the answer to that question ever. But I do know why I am alive today. Because he wanted me alive and he made everything in his power to make sure I was. And I know why I'll keep living; my reason for my every breath from now on. To fight them. Just like he asked me to do.

It's hard. Being alive and knowing why. Because now I can't run anymore. Because now I have to face my responsibility. I have to prove that I was worthy of his sacrifice. And I will. I will make you proud. I will fight them. Your heart will keep me strong. Your memory will bring Max back. And one day we will be united again, all of us. And that day you will be ready to lead us through a far more peaceful world. And that day we will follow you again.

And the heaven I was born in will be the heaven in which I will rest for eternity. With my family.

See you soon Zack……


End file.
